How many friends do you have? I’m not talking about your Facebook friends…FB really should call those acquaintances and not friends, because there is no way you can have 884 really close friends.
The type of friends I’m talking about are the ones that if you lost your job they would help you pay your mortgage or let you move in with them. The type of friends that if you died in a freak accident would raise your kids like you would. When you start classifying people like that…it’s easy for your friend list to shrink maybe even to zero.
Which creates a big question in my mind…How do you get friends like that? How do you find friends like that? Well, I tell you right up front that you won’t find friends like this at church. Yep! It’s true. You won’t find friends like that at work, on a sports team, in the gym, or with your children’s friend’s parents. In fact, you can’t find them anywhere because…
You don’t FIND friends you MAKE friends.
You get friends that will stick closer than a brother by BECOMING a friend like that to others. Too many people act like deep and meaningful friendships are something you find on the ground like a $20 bill…if I keep looking and if I’m lucky enough I’ll find one or two in my lifetime. You don’t find friends, you make friends. You make them through shared experiences and values. Which means you’ll need to free up some time to make friends.
FRIENDS ARE NOT AUTOMATIC
Just because you attend a church doesn’t mean you’ll have friends. You’ll meet a lot of friendly people, but that’s not the same thing as making a friend. Nothing is wrong with the church…some people mistakenly think that just because they show up they’ll have friends. It doesn’t work like that. At best you’ll have acquaintances, but not friendships because friendships aren’t automatic.
It takes time to develop deep relationships. If you come & leave every week and never attend a Connection Event, never join a Growth Group, never join a Bible study, and never serve anywhere, you aren’t going to develop relationships. Just attending those events won’t do it either. You have to put yourself out there. For introverts I know this is hard, but you have to put yourself in situations and environments that are conducive to building friendships. How do you meet great people? You put yourself in environments where great people are. Where people want to grow, where they want to help others, where they care about things of faith. Going to a bar and meeting great people might happen, but the odds aren’t stacked in your favor. Great people don’t congregate at bars.
Great people like to serve others, so it makes sense to join a serving team at church and sign up for Community Service events this summer. Great people like to grow, so they’ll be in a Growth Group or a Bible study. Once you get in those environments where great people are, you are only half way there. Now that you’ve met great people you need to take a risk and start the process of making friends.
Making great friends takes time. You’ll have some false starts and that’s okay. Keep reaching out and keep taking the initiative. Remember you make great friends by being a great friend. How would your friends rate you on a scale of 1 to 10 on the quality of friend you are? How could you be a better friend to someone today? Invite them over, send them a text, pray for them, encourage them…you get the idea. It’s the same things you are looking for in a great friend. Give and it will be given unto you. -Jesus (Luke 6:38)
Question: Who has been a great friend to you? Share your answer on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn.
