Certain words in the English language I have a hard time saying correctly. It takes a lot of focus for me to say “pin” and “pen.” I literally have to say “hen” in my mind before I verbally say “pen.”
Numerous other words sound the same to me, like ten/tin and steal/still. The worst is heal/hill/he’ll. Imagine trying to deliver a message which includes “Jesus can heal your broken heart. He’ll never let you down. No matter what hill you’re facing.” Nightmare!
I will do whatever I can to get out of saying those words. I will use any replacement I can think of because it’s so hard for me to say those words correctly. I struggle with hearing a difference.
As hard as it is for me to get those words right it doesn’t even come close to two words that seem impossible to say. I’ve found that it doesn’t matter where you grew up, everyone seems to struggle saying these two words.
Rare is the person that can muster the strength to say them. Children struggle with saying the words. My kids will cry, shut down, and even willingly experience a consequence to avoid these two words. Business partnerships dissolve because the 2 words are so hard to say. Lifelong friendships are abandoned because of the 2 words. Marriages grow colder and colder until the distance becomes divorce…all stemming from a refusal to say 2 magic words.
What are those 2 words? I’m sure you’ve guessed it by now…
I’m sorry.
Why is it so hard to admit that we are wrong? Why the moment our heart prompts us to say those 2 words does our mind kick into gear to find all kinds of reasons why we shouldn’t?
Every minute we let pass without saying these 2 words the harder it gets to say them. Every minute that passes our mind comes up with more reasons why we aren’t.
We rationalize and justify 2 simple words out of our vocabulary.
Think about it. When was the last time you said them? Where do you need to say them now? It’s easier to think of who needs to say it to us than who we need to say it to.
Seven letters have the potential to change any situation or relationship. The tenor of the conversation changes. The construction of walls comes to a halt, swords go back in their sheath, people come back to the table, all when these 2 words are spoken.
The problem is we don’t want to say the words, we want to hear the words. For us to say the words means we have to admit that we are wrong and we don’t want to be wrong. We know we aren’t perfect, but when the stakes are high we act like we are.
I’m not saying the other person was innocent. I’m not even saying they aren’t more in the wrong than you are. I just want you to think about what you are giving up for two words.
We feel like we are giving up our self-worth and dignity, but it’s the wrong perspective. The better perspective is that you are keeping a friend and gaining character.
How many times have you seen in the media where a politician or celebrity refuses to say those words? It’s obvious to us that if they did no one would care about the story anymore. Instead they do what we do…justify why they aren’t wrong and shouldn’t have to say those 2 impossible words.
After the words are spoken the accusations cease, the finger pointing stops, and the blaming ends. All of the energy spent on defending and blaming can now be focused on moving forward instead of defending the past.
Maybe you are thinking that I’m encouraging people to always avoid conflict at all costs and just say 2 words in a lame attempt to keep the peace. We aren’t called to keep the peace we are called to be peace-makers. I think you are smart enough to know the difference. I also think you are smart enough to know when you’ve crossed the line and the issue isn’t the issue anymore. The issue has now become your pride.
We are willing to sacrifice so much just to get out of saying 2 words.
As a pastor I see the pain first hand as families and friendships are sacrificed. As painful as that is to watch, what troubles me most is that this reluctance to say these words also carries over to our relationship with God. We just can’t bring ourselves to admit we have sinned against God. So we make up all kinds of lame excuses, rationalizations, and justifications about how our choices aren’t really “sin.” All so we don’t have to admit we were wrong. Some go so far as to deny God’s existence because you don’t have to say “I’m sorry” to someone who doesn’t exist.
We respect people who are quick to own their mistakes, but we find it so hard to own ours.
What would happen in your fractured relationships if when you finished reading this you walked right up to your spouse or called your friend and said, “I’m sorry.” I think you would gain more than you lose. The longer you wait the more impossible it becomes.
What would happen if you bowed your head and prayed, “Father, I know what I’m doing is wrong and I’m sorry.” I think you would find what this guy did – Luke 15:11-24. It’s one of the reasons Jesus told this story in the first place.
Don’t let 2 little words keep you from what matters most in life.
